Relational Life Therapy (RLT) Couples Therapy in Los Angeles
Maybe the same fights keep replaying, and each of you is sure the other one is the problem. Maybe one of you criticizes and the other withdraws, or resentment has quietly replaced the closeness you used to have. Underneath it all, you both want to feel respected and cherished again, and neither of you knows how to get there.
Relational Life Therapy (RLT) is a direct, practical approach to couples therapy that helps partners stop the patterns that keep them stuck and start treating each other with real respect. I’m Dr. Gabriella Azzam-Forni, a licensed clinical psychologist offering RLT couples therapy in Los Angeles and online across California, New York, Texas, and Florida. If you’d like to talk it through, you can schedule a free, 15-minute consultation.
What Is Relational Life Therapy?
Relational Life Therapy was developed by family therapist Terrence Real. It focuses on helping each partner become more accountable for their part in the relationship, while learning how to ask for what they need in a way the other person can actually hear.
Unlike approaches where the therapist mainly reflects and stays neutral, RLT is active and candid. The therapist speaks honestly with each partner about the patterns they bring to the relationship, always with warmth and respect. The goal isn’t to decide who’s right. It’s to help both of you move out of old, self-protective habits and into a more mature, connected way of relating.
Who Can Benefit From RLT Couples Therapy?
RLT can be especially helpful for couples who are dealing with:
- Repeated arguments about who’s right and who’s to blame
- One partner feeling unheard while the other feels constantly criticized
- Defensiveness, contempt, or withdrawal during conflict
- One partner who tends to control, lecture, or escalate
- Resentment that has built up over years
- Rebuilding trust and accountability after an affair or other betrayal
- Couples where one partner is reluctant to look at their own role
I welcome couples of all backgrounds, orientations, and relationship structures.
How Does RLT Couples Therapy Work?
RLT starts from a simple idea: most couples are stuck not because they don’t love each other, but because each partner is using “losing strategies” that once helped them cope and now push their partner away. These include needing to be right, trying to control your partner, unbridled self-expression (saying whatever you feel, however you feel it), retaliation, and withdrawal.
In RLT, we name these patterns clearly and replace them with “winning strategies,” such as:
- Shifting from complaints to clear, specific requests
- Speaking up about what matters to you with love and tact
- Responding to your partner with generosity instead of defensiveness
- Helping each other succeed in meeting your needs
- Making time to cherish and appreciate each other
RLT also pays attention to what it calls relational self-esteem: noticing when you slip into feeling superior or “one-up,” or ashamed and “one-down,” and learning to come back to an equal footing where real intimacy is possible. Many of these patterns were learned in childhood, so part of the work is understanding where they came from and choosing to respond differently as an adult.
My Approach To RLT Couples Therapy
I use Relational Life Therapy on its own and, when it’s a good fit, together with Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method. Each brings something different: EFT helps couples understand the emotions and attachment needs beneath their conflict, the Gottman Method offers practical skills for communication and repair, and RLT adds a direct, honest focus on accountability and respect.
RLT is particularly useful when a couple keeps circling the same blame, or when one partner’s behavior needs to be named clearly for anything else to change. It’s also an important part of my work in affair recovery and infidelity therapy, where the partner who broke trust needs to take real responsibility without collapsing into shame.
I tailor the work to your relationship rather than applying a one-size-fits-all program. You can learn more about my broader couples therapy practice as well.
What To Expect
- Consultation: We start with a free, 15-minute consultation to see whether we’re a good fit.
- Weekly sessions: Most couples meet weekly for 50-minute sessions (the first session is generally 60 minutes). Some RLT work may include individual sessions with each partner.
- Couples intensives: I also offer longer, focused intensives for couples who want to make significant progress in a shorter time.
- Format: In person in Los Angeles, or via telehealth in California, New York, Texas, and Florida.
- Fees: See my fees and insurance page.
Couples therapy isn’t appropriate when there is ongoing intimate partner violence. If safety is a concern, I’ll talk with you about other options.
Frequently Asked Questions About RLT Couples Therapy
How Is RLT Different From Other Couples Therapy?
RLT is more direct than many approaches. Rather than staying neutral, the therapist speaks honestly with each partner about their patterns, with care and respect. The focus is on accountability and on learning practical ways to ask for and give what each of you needs. I often combine it with EFT and the Gottman Method.
Will The Therapist Take Sides?
RLT therapists are honest about what they see, which can sometimes feel like taking sides in the moment. The goal, though, is never to declare a winner. It’s to help each partner see their own part clearly so the relationship can change. Both of you will be supported, and both of you will be challenged.
What Are “Losing Strategies”?
In RLT, losing strategies are common habits that feel protective but hurt the relationship: needing to be right, controlling your partner, unbridled self-expression, retaliation, and withdrawal. Most people use a few of them under stress. Therapy helps you notice them and choose more effective responses.
Can RLT Help After An Affair?
Yes. RLT’s emphasis on accountability can be especially helpful after a betrayal, alongside the other approaches I use. Learn more about affair recovery and infidelity therapy.
What If My Partner Doesn't Think They Need To Change?
That’s a common starting point. RLT is designed to engage partners who are reluctant or defensive, by being direct while remaining respectful. A consultation is a good first step for the more hesitant partner to see what the process is actually like.
Do You Offer RLT Couples Therapy Online?
Yes. I offer telehealth sessions for couples who live in California, New York, Texas, or Florida, as well as in-person sessions in Los Angeles.
How Long Does RLT Couples Therapy Take?
It depends on your goals and how long the patterns have been in place. Some couples notice meaningful shifts within a few months of weekly sessions, while others need more time. Intensives can also help couples make focused progress more quickly.
Build A Relationship Of Full Respect
You don’t have to keep having the same fight. With honesty, accountability, and practical tools, couples can build a relationship where both partners feel respected and cherished. If you’re looking for RLT couples therapy in Los Angeles or online, you can schedule a free, 15-minute consultation to learn more and see whether we’re a good fit.