Are You And Your Partner Growing Away From One Another?
Is a lack of intimacy or stress in your relationship causing you to feel disconnected as a couple?
Do you have a hard time feeling heard and seen in your partnership?
Are you worried that you’re no longer on the same page about the goals, values, and visions you once shared together?
Has one, or maybe even both, of you been unfaithful in your relationship?
Sometimes life has a way of getting between us and our partners, leading us to turn away from—instead of towards—one another. Common obstacles like career stress, parenting, and significant life transitions can take up a lot of space in our lives as individuals, leaving us without ample room to meaningfully engage in our partnership(s).
What Is Your Experience As A Couple?
You may feel as though you and your partner don’t “match up” anymore. Whereas once you felt confident and secure in your future together, you may wonder if you still want the same things. Unsure of if your partner even understands you, you may have inadvertently withdrawn from the relationship, searching elsewhere (maybe even towards someone else) to get your needs met.
You’ve probably found that disconnection perpetuates disconnection. Beyond feeling as though you are living separate lives, you may feel like you have begun speaking different languages altogether. Every time you attempt to engage or verbalize your concerns with your partner, you may encounter friction, avoidance, and misunderstanding. This has naturally impacted your ability to be intimate with each other, furthering your sense of loneliness.
Regardless of if you feel trapped inside an unhealthy relationship dynamic or detached from your partner entirely, you are probably worried about your future as a couple. You’re ultimately searching for an answer as to whether you can fall back into—and remain in—love with one another.
Couples therapy offers you a transformational opportunity to reconnect. As you and your partner re-learn to communicate, provide mutual support, and deepen intimacy, you can feel more confident in your future together.
Healthy, Sustainable Relationships Take Work
In general, we enter our intimate partnerships intending to make a long-term commitment—none of us plan to grow apart from our significant others. Yet, life is complicated, and before we know it, we may begin to prioritize other things over the health of our most intimate connections.
Relational obstacles that often lead to divorce or separation—including unresolved conflict, infidelity, and external stressors—are common among couples of all ages, orientations, and backgrounds. Because we grow and change as individuals, we can’t always assume our relationship will maintain the novelty and excitement that once defined it.
Instead of facing setbacks head-on as a couple, however, we might find it easier to brush issues under the rug or distract ourselves by seeking excitement elsewhere—which is why affairs and substance abuse are common among partners who are unsatisfied in their long-term relationships. We may become so entrenched in the idea that this is just the way things have to be between us that we don’t recognize when an opportunity presents itself to break the cycle.
A couples therapist can be the gateway to a heightened sense of compassion and awareness in the relationship. Working together in counseling, I will help you to facilitate a deeper appreciation of your strengths and needs, both as individuals and as a couple, so that you can come to a place of healing resolution.
My Approach To Couples Therapy
When your relationship begins to be characterized by feelings of tension, resentment, and mistrust, it can be difficult to observe the relationship dynamic from a nonjudgmental perspective. A couples therapist is specially trained to be an objective and neutral yet empathetic presence in counseling, allowing you to facilitate a more open, aware understanding of the relationship.
Couples therapy through my practice is available to clients of all backgrounds and orientations. As an affirming, sex-positive therapist, I will tailor the counseling process to meet your needs—regardless of if you identify as a straight, queer, gender non-conforming, or non-monogamous couple.
What To Expect
Once I have a solid understanding of your presenting concerns and goals for therapy, I will work with you to identify the emotions and experiences at the core of your distress as a couple. We do this by engaging elements of two verified, marriage-specific techniques known as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and The Gottman Method.
EFT views relationship issues through the lens of attachment, helping us understand the models for communication, expression, and intimacy that you were raised with. By becoming aware of how your interactions as a couple affect your ability to bond and heal individual attachment injuries, you can better understand your role in the relationship dynamic and adjust your emotional response.
Similarly, The Gottman Method aims to strengthen the foundations of your relationship by focusing on areas of communication, friendship, intimacy, and respect. This approach is specifically designed to remove barriers and reduce stagnancy in the relationship so that both of you can feel motivated to reconnect through new, affirming experiences.
When used in conjunction with one another, Emotionally Focused Therapy and The Gottman Method can generate new and life-changing insights for you as a couple. Not only will you reconnect with one another, but you will learn valuable information about yourself in the process. I have worked with couples who say that counseling allowed them to feel more in love than they ever thought possible—and with my help and support, you can be one of them.
Discernment Counseling Is Also Available
Alternatively, if throughout therapy, you both decide that separation is the best option for you as a couple, or one of you is unsure about which direction to go, then I will guide you in amicably parting ways and in the healthiest way if that is the ultimate goal you decide on.
Discernment counseling can support you both in navigating logistics, co-parenting, and emotional distress that often accompanies this decision. While difficult, discernment counseling can affirm that you are taking every measure to identify the best next steps in your relationship, and to either begin a deeper couples therapy process or to separate in a healthy, mutually respectful way.
Still Not Sure If Couples Counseling Will Improve Your Marriage Or Relationship?
Will I ever be able to fall back in love with my partner?
Yes! As an experienced couples therapist, I’ve worked with many clients who have not only fallen back in love through counseling, but also finished the process feeling more in love than ever before. With the direction and support you receive in therapy, you can absolutely reignite the flame in your relationship.
Can couples therapy actually help us recover from an affair?
Absolutely. Recovery is possible for both the partner involved in the affair and the partner who has been betrayed. It will certainly take work, patience, honesty, and transparency to heal and rebuild your bond as a couple, but therapy is a meaningful way to facilitate the recovery process.
I want the relationship to end but my partner doesn’t.
Through discernment counseling, I can help you explore all of the options you have as a couple and figure out the best way to move forward—even if that means separating or ending your marriage or relationship. I will help you come to a mutual agreement, and if you decide to break up or seek a divorce, I will provide support to both of you in a way that promotes healing and mutual understanding.
Find Your Way Back To Each Other
As an affirming, nonjudgmental therapist, I welcome couples of all backgrounds and orientations to therapy, where they can learn to grow toward one another and reconnect. To find out more about my approach to couples and marriage counseling, schedule a free, 15-minute consultation with me.